The race had not consumed my life, taken excessive time to prepare for, or put a burden on my family. It was really what I was hoping it would be in 2019. It was definitely not the outcome was I was aiming for, but the experience largely was what I wanted. I ended up with just a Fun Run finish, and it will now be at least a full decade between finishes from anyone other than me or Jared Campbell. This year, with my finish from five years earlier still the most recent finish, everything seemed to be in place: I was physically and mentally ready to go, I was at Frozen Head, and so was Barkley. In 2021 the race was there, but due to Covid travel restrictions I was not. Then Covid came, and I was at Frozen Head alone. I got my mindset in a much better place, and I was ready in 2020. But I didn’t want my Barkley experience to end like that. I was cursed with the knowledge of what the later loops would bring, and I simply did not have the necessary motivation or desire. How could I do with the different perspective after finishing? The answer was not good. It was largely a curiosity a personal psychological experiment. The finish came for me in 2017, but then after crewing in 2018 I decided to go back out there myself in 2019. I vivdly remember Gary Robbins and I discussing that year, as we ascended Stallion Mountain: “if you finish will you ever do it again?” The answer for both of us was a pretty emphatic no.
I seemed to be so close to a finish that in 2017 I went back. But also like those other things, I didn’t feel afterwards that it had been the best I could do. Like most things I’ve done, from my first marathon to my first triathlon to my first startup, it was supposed to be one and done – to go out and give it my best shot and see how I could do.
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